Listening to In The Image by Beverly Glenn-Copeland

I’d like to begin by announcing to you all that I’m no longer mentally unwell. I have a job. This is not a drill.

Someone has agreed to put me on their payroll. I’m not joking. I have completed 3 days of training at Barr Seco. You can consider this post officially funded. They are closed on Monday’s, how’s that for synchronicity? Anyway, they have entrusted me to represent them in a public facing role during cafe hours. I have been employed to interact with the people of Silver Lake. I am once more living in the real world again, and all of sudden, right out of nowhere, I feel free. Trapped no longer. Join me, people!

For some reason I have been thinking about this concept of people as notifications. Working from a computer every day does this to a girl. Your friends text you. You are trying to focus on work. You are distracted by the alerts and you feel frustrated at the person who is texting. They are not the reason you cannot focus. You having your notifications turned on is. Do not disturb has got to be on the best function invented. At least this was what I used to think before I became employed last week.

The first time I walked to work from my house on Wednesday, things started to change. I arrived in 10 minutes (don’t mean to brag but, this is a flex if you live in Los Angeles). I spent 5 hours straight in a flow state learning and I didn’t check my phone once. All of my colleagues there gave me a hug on arrival and on departure. Your honour. This is the secret to happiness. Being present in reality. Learning new skills, interacting with people, hugging and laughing. Walking out the door. Letting go.

Before I even have the chance to check what the time is, I’m done for the day. I say farewell, and then my feet simply carry me home. By the time I get to my front door, work is a thing of the past. After working remotely every single day since 2020, I have cracked the code. I no longer work from home. Boundaries. Structure. No blurred lines. Work is work. Home is home. People are people. Notifications are technology. Switch them off. Call your friends. Make a plan to meet up. Tell them how you’re feeling. Listen to one another. Learn from each other. Trust the world has got you.

I’m not going to sugar coat this. The reality of working in hospitality was an ego death for me. The reality of earning $17 an hour is humbling. Falling from grace, and accepting that you no longer can afford the lifestyle you once had is a wake up call. This is the truth, and the reality of being an actor who is starting out. Until you book that job, it’s feast or famine, and in between those epic cheques, you have zero regular income. So after an entire year of banging down the door of creative agencies, which was by the way, never my dream, simply something I fell into, I finally thought to myself recently “ you better get up and work bitch.” Cue Kim Kardashian.

How I didn’t come to this thought any earlier is due to many factors. One of which was the mistaken belief, that if I have the experience, I can get back in at the same level. Wrong. I believe I am capable of landing another girl boss position. But I’ve been really missing the point. The facts are as follows. I got laid off from an advertising job, along with 80% of the company, after management decided it was in their best interests to transform their business model into an app. They decided to serve their clients by funnelling TikTok creators directly to their clients. They cut out the need for their creative production departments and the staff within them. Talent online are now the one stop shop and the future of advertising as we know it. Jobs are more limited in this sector now. Plus I’ve been competing with local American’s who have local relevant experience. I accept my defeat. I must start again. It’s so simple.

Alas, it’s been a hard pill to swallow, “losing my corporate sponsorship”, as Brisa likes to say. She is one of the wisest woman I know. Something else she reminded me is that I’m now earning $17 more an hour than I was last week. Not only that. I’m getting out of the house all day and spending more time with people than I am with my laptop. I cannot tell you how much my brain needed this. A breakthrough. I’m thinking about never going on LinkedIn ever again. I’m thinking about trusting the people that I’m meeting in person at Barr Seco instead. I’m thinking about going with the flow of life as it presents opportunities in new interactions every day. In fact I’m not even thinking that much anymore. I’m just DOING. Hallelujah!!!!! This is the life. We are so much smarter and kinder than we give ourselves credit for as a species. Of course we are flawed too. But letting go of being perfect is so liberating. Make your mistakes and move on. Go outside and walk until you feel something. Feel alive.

Huge sigh. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for subscribing. There’s 46 of you now. I’ve only shared these posts with my close friends and family so far. This is a safe space. I want to keep it safe forever. I still can’t believe that some of you are paying to be here. I want to make sure that you 9 who are invested feel valued. And those who have taken the time this week to be vulnerable with me and write an email. For this reason, only paid subscribers will have access to our first Anonymous Angel post that is going live later this week... It takes a village to build a community and we must protect sensitivity at all costs. We must honour it. Be conscious and invest in it.

Look, if the last month of writing here has taught me anything. It is that when we keep going, good things happen, we know that wholeheartedly now. I have proof. The ball is rolling and we’re finding our stride. Hit the streets and land a J-O-B in 8 weeks. That’s my slogan. I’m officially running for president. Just kidding. But I really think my neighbour Alysia should. She’s incredible, trust me.

Reminds me of something Lauren said to me once “I’m pro human race” (not pro life, don’t get it twisted). Humans over robots. Do you copy? I know I sound like an unhinged tinfoil hat wearing flat earther who thinks hilary clinton eats babies. Absolutely not. For one, I grew up in New Zealand, so I know for a fact the world isn’t flat. I’m just passionate about the fact that technology is a tool. That’s it. Technology is not life. But, to balance things out, there are good things about it. I can admit that.

Like the fact that I was able to receive a video sent to me of my god daughter back in Berlin this morning. She’s 3 years old. I miss her. She’s started saying a new phrase this week, her Mother, one of my dear friends, Holly tells me. It’s been hitting me straight in the cervix today. I say cervix because I had a colposcopy this morning. It didn't hurt or anything. Us woman endure more pain than we can even comprehend. But the idea of it all was deeply felt. Physically and emotionally. It was unsettling.

Being alone at that appointment, except I wasn’t, so there’s me asking the nurse if she would hold my hand as the doctor took two biopsy’s, telling them I missed my Mum, simultaneously expressing how grateful I was for the fact she had the opportunity to come see me for the last two weeks. Knowing I am luckier than most. Safer than most. Privileged with health care and resources to be proactive about my health than most.

Cut to, I’m done with the hospital, and checking my phone when I get back to the car. Seeing a message from Holly with the video she’s taken of Ottilia who is saying “your feelings are real”. You just can’t make this up. You can’t beat the feeling of human connection. Name a better feeling. I’ll wait. I’m crying as I write this because the reality of living apart from the people you love is emotional. Life is emotional and tender and that’s what makes the human experience we are all sharing so worth it.

Use technology to stay tethered to the people you love. But always remember. There are people at every corner of every street, people ready to hold your hand at the doctors office, ready to offer you a glass of champagne when handing your cv out, ready to share what they’ve learned to help you catch a break. Ready for you when you fall. I’m so grateful for people. Genuinely don’t know what I would do without them.

I love you!!!!!!!!

PS. Consider becoming a paid subscriber if you want to receive the first ever Anonymous Angel going live this week <333333 Don’t say I didn’t warn youuuuuuu

PPS. Sophia said to me “what is in motion, stays in motion”. That hit home to me. She said this as we drove home in my 4runner on Saturday night. We went to Usher together. Please let me know if you can think of another man who can sing, dance, roller skate and work a crowd for 3 hours straight?? I’m being serious here. Genuinely asking for my extremely good looking, successful and hilarious friends who are single and deserve someone who can match their level of freak. Where are their equals???

PPPS. I’m nervous that Usher is going to be linked to the scandal regarding P Diddy. I desperately want him to be one of the good guys. Please universe. Don’t let me down.

PPPPS. Momentum is the new motto. Trust in the process. The rest will follow. Bye!