Listening to My Love by Florence & The Machine
Reflecting on getting my period at the Bowl last summer when I heard cult mother Florence's voice and wondering if that was the gods above demanding my sacrifice... Super shallow thoughts basically.
Hello angels. I’m back.
I’ve been avoiding you. Not intentionally. Let me rephrase, I’ve been avoiding myself.
I’ve been deep in my feelings. I guess working in service will do that to a woman...
It’s got me thinking, a lot, as you can imagine… But not in the way I was when I started this platform. Now that was a lot of thoughts in a lot of directions. I’ll be honest, I’m aware, and I’m learning. Aren’t we all?
Suddenly life feels spiritual again.
To learn how to live is to grow.
And what an honour it is to do so.
Being present takes courage. Being present here with you all right now is my focus. Turns out being present in reality can be scary sometimes. Being aware of how you operate in the world, with people, every minute of the day, it reveals your strengths and weaknesses right away. It’s vulnerable. That’s why we need people in service.
Right?
The world is a beautiful, chaotic, kaleidoscope of culture and madness. It’s a lot. Cut to hearing Marino playing Mad World on the piano in my head, which he has been learning. Anyway, that’s the point isn’t it. We’re a lot, us human beings. As Sophia says, “feelings on demand”. Let’s unpack that. Or at least mull it over for a second.
The charm of hospitality has been healing for my soul to say the least. The family environment of the community that surrounds me, in the cafe, kitchen, dining room, the flurry of activity, and certainly the scene of creatures spilling in from the sidewalk. Quite frankly, the growing population on the block, ebbing and flowing constantly, building momentum, and then crashing down some days. It’s a wave. Society is a wave.
To be present every day, all day, takes courage. To trust yourself to be responsible for other people takes courage. Showing up and committing to the cause is something I’ve always been good at it. Focussing, on the other hand, I had to train myself to do it.
Especially in this modern world, where everything and everyone is competing for our attention, whether we like it or not. Maybe that’s just me, as a dancer, or an actor, (or a player on the stage that is a cafe as a performance artist, as it feels like so often…) whether or not you like to admit, you need to ensure you’re actively paying attention.
Which makes me think of my Grandmother’s voice, “be aware Elise”.
To be is to balance. Or as my dad says, “a tricky dance”.
Some of us stamp our foot and turn right around to walk in the opposite direction when we see someone. Others cock their head to the side and smile, staying still. Inviting you in or tossing you out with the trash. We certainly don’t seem to treat everyone the same in this society, now that’s for damn sure.
The truth is that we only have the capacity to care for 150 people in our lives as a species. We come from tribes. That’s 150 relationships.
Choose wisely angels.
The carelessness associated with staying in touch online with too many people is real. We do not have the bandwith to meaningfully connect with everyone we interact with online. That’s why trolls exist, is it not? Look, maybe they’re just mean, bitter and jealous, or maybe in fact, they are people... And we are the trolls. We are people who are fed up with our lives, and can’t catch a break, and praying that change is a coming…
We are the people and we want change. Change is the only constant in life, isn’t it?
Role modelling is a privilege. Compassion is a privilege. Living is a privilege.
“Takes courage.”
That’s something we say in my family.
A kind man once said that to us, Mum, Andy, Elise, Luke & Peta, as we huddled up under the tarpaulin attached to the boot of our car, that was protecting us from the torrential rain, which had been coming down for days on our tents, in Waimarama, NZ.
Another family vacation ruined. That’s the first thought that came to my mind now. At least that’s what I would have been left thinking, if it hadn’t been the kindness of that stranger, who saw us, and told us that we were, in fact, brave. Period.
“Takes courage”.
Now that puts a smile on my face. I see my Mum in my head now. She’s got a smile on her dial, as she always did when we were camping, it was her happy place. The level of organisation required to camp is superior by the way, if that tells you anything about my Mother. She knew exactly how to survive in the wild. Still does.
And do you know what. Camping taught me a lot. So thanks a lot Mum.
“Takes courage” gives me strength when the going gets tough.
My memories with you give me strength when the going gets tough.
And guess what, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
Now I really am crying as I write you this.
But guess what? My Dad is arriving today in a plane from Canada.
He’s coming to see me. Big sob. It’s been a minute since I met him at an airport.
Now I really am laughing as I write you this.
Because guess what? No one likes a sob story… Do they. “Get the violins out Elise” says Mum in my head. Too right Mum.
Does anyone else’s parents live rent free in their head? I guess that’s a fair trade as they did let me live rent free in their house for the first 18 years of my life, so…
Thank god for comedy honestly. Genuinely don’t know how I would survive without it.
Big sigh. So there you have it, angels. Some god damn truth for once. I’m processing.
I can’t promise you I wont become caught up in my delusions once again… And if I’m honest, I can’t promise that because I love my delusions. They’ve built my character.
In fact, while we’re on the record, or in the lab as Jimmy says, let’s reframe delusion to daydream. Because that’s what it takes to survive in this world. You need a dream.
So I suggest you spend time visualising what your dream life looks like for you.
Because guess what? Dreaming is a privilege. Having the safety to use your imagination out of harms way can transport you to wherever your heart desires in the future, or better yet, in the present moment. I suggest you try it.
And I don’t know about you, but I’m following my heart. Something only made possible by the fact that I carry my loved ones wisdom with me wherever I go in this life. And in all the galaxies beyond.
Home is where the heart is. Home is wherever you go, angels, because here you are.
All my love, Elise