Listening to Relationships by Haim

Letter's to my Daughter #2. The story of how I met Marino, 10 long years ago.

Hi baby,

Can I just say. You would have loved Brat summer. Not Haim summer. Brat. It was the summer you were conceived, or the season to preface it. I’m going to spare you the details on that part, but one day I will tell you about the heatwave filled months where women all over the world decided smoking vogues were back in, and hot shorts were the only uniform for our unanimous rebellion. There’s no way this sort of energy could have lasted any longer than it did. Frankly it was dangerous. Kaitlyn once said “we survived Brat summer” and she’s damn right. Things had to burn out by the fall, for our own safety. Sometimes there’s only one thing left to do after the rave. Start a family. So we did just that. And along came you.

Now I’m sitting here in our spare room, soon to be your room, the day is moody and clouds fill the sky as I cast my eye out the windows to my left. I’m listening to Relationships by Haim and feeling nostalgic for the days that I first dated your Father. I can’t say I was listening to Haim in 2015, more likely something depressing like Jeff Buckley or The National, because that’s where I was at in 2015. Depressed. In my Sylvia Plath era, sadly. You could say I was at my lowest before I first met Marino. Call it cliche, but they do say it’s darkest before the dawn.

Struggling with insomnia, working full-time in retail in my first year out of university, adrift in a new city which had felt like home for a few years thanks to the structure of classes and new friendships, flatmates who became sisters as we shared dinner plates, catching the bus together to campus, crushing on boys and dancing to Lorde. Now I was in a new house, with a full-time job, adult responsibilities and sales targets to reach, no teachers expecting anything of me, with a dreaded feeling of nagging. A sense I had not a whole lot going for me. A sad thought.

The only thing keeping me going that year was my dream to move to New York. I made the decision to leave New Zealand before I graduated and booked my one way flight a few months after. I used a travel voucher from my Uncles and Aunties that was given to me on my 21st birthday. I booked a ticket out of the country and never looked back. Only now at 32 years old do I realise what a privilege that was. I could barely cover rent let alone afford to save money to travel. Only now, after losing my Uncle Richard who had the idea to gift that to me, do I feel so thankful. That ticket changed everything. But that’s a story for another time, losing my Uncle, and the adventures I had in New York. I came here to tell you the story of how I met Marino (that’s your Dad’s name if you’ve forgotten). So here I go. Hope you enjoy it.

Marino & I were set up. The greatest gift of all. Especially at 22 years old. Especially when I was down and out. When I didn’t know what was good for me. The only thing going for me was where I was heading, at least that’s what I thought. Little did I know the universe had other plans in store. Little did I know the Sharma’s were match making. Let me set the scene.

It’s late March in New Zealand. The summer is cooling down in Auckland. Leaves are beginning to change along Ponsonby Road. Around the corner is where I’ve been working every week in the head office at a fashion house named Ruby. The business is run by a family, the Sharma’s, they’ve taken me in and are treating me as their own, some hopelessly clueless girl from Wellington who wants to work in fashion, Anna-Lise became like a big sister. I was even photographed in my first modelling shoot for them, a real princess diary moment, when I saw myself in hair and make up for the first time. Unbeknownst to me, Anna-Lise showed the pictures to someone she knew, and invited us both to her birthday party the next week. Cut to.

I’m wearing my signature outfit of the time, a long sleeve button up shirt dress by Miss Crabb in a worn dark navy blue cotton fabric, over the top of light blue flared jeans, and a pair of sneakers on my feet. My hair is a mop of shoulder length wavy hair, unbrushed, maybe red lipstick. I’m feeling like the luckiest girl in the world to be invited. Meeting new friends, an older crowd of kids who went to school together, I’m taking it all in when there was a knock at the door. Anna-Lise shot up straight and strode to the door, turning back over her shoulder to say, “Elise, this is going to be your boyfriend.” Needless to say she had my attention.

Way to make me stop in my tracks. Walking through the door was the most good looking man I’d ever seen. Truly. I know it’s cheesy to say I fell in love at first sight but that’s the truth. I felt star struck. Looking up at this tall, dark haired, sun kissed man in front of me who holds his hand out and introduces himself as Marino. Pretty sure I say nothing, my mouth opens and closes, but I manage to hold my hand out in response, to which he shakes and let go’s, off to make the rounds of greetings throughout the room. I’m left stunned, sielnt, stood on the spot.

As you’ll come to realise baby girl, I’m not too often lost for words, but I don’t remember saying a thing for the rest of the time he and I were in the same room. I think I only regained consciousness when he left the party 10 minutes later, when I realised a guy had come up to chat to me. It wasn’t the one I was hoping to speak to... Party 4 U by Charli xcx just came on over the speaker as I write this, it fits the feeling I’m trying to muster. Cupid’s arrow got me.

Two weeks later, this time totally down to chance, I was at a friends leaving party off K-Road. It was a dark evening, Summer was officially over, and it felt even darker with the prospect of my friends leaving New Zealand. Livi was one of my first friends in Auckland, she was moving to London with the love of her life, a companionship I could only dream of. I was alone at the bar, when out of nowhere he walked in. Marino. Instantly we locked eyes, and time seem to stand still. I stayed put, and after saying his hello’s, he wove his way through the throng of guests in the bar to stand by my side, asking “can I buy you a drink?” It’s wild how writing these details can still bring a flutter to my belly. That was the start of us. 3653 days ago.

To walk back through all the chapters in my mind that we have created together since these moment gives me chills. Enduring love, real long lasting love, it exists. I cannot wait for you to experience it one day too. Until then, you get to witness your parents raise you together. If you’re lucky, you’ll discover our ever after has been a happy one. But all the way back then when we first met, there was so much still up in the air for us. With a drink in each of our hands, we had our first conversation, and before I knew it I was informing him of my one way ticket in November. He was impressed, but only for a second, before casually informing me of his own plan, also a trip to the States, except he was going to the West Coast, and he was leaving in 3 months time. He seem to have an answer for everything and it felt like we had been talking for hours. The interaction felt effortless. I had met my match. At that wrong time.

The fact we were both leaving didn’t stop me from messaging him the next day to say thank you for the drink, manner’s go a long way you’ll come to learn, and what do you know, he wrote back immediately. I remember being at a friends house glued to my phone, writing pages and pages of messages back and forth, feeling totally transfixed by our conversation, unable to focus on anything else. My friend asked if I was texting a boy. That’s when I knew I liked you.

The following week, we were having our first date at Conch, our first kiss, and beginning what would become a 3 month courtship. The next weeks blurred into one long date. A series of firsts. The first morning I got into his car, noticing Just Kids by Patti Smith on the seat, he encouraged me to take it and read it, “you’re going to love it”, quickly learning this was a catchphrase of his. In exchange I loaned him White Oleander by Janet Fitch, and so began our readership together. Roll the montage.

Day’s were spent at the Winter Garden’s in the Domain, listening to music in the car, eating bagels in Mt Eden and meeting his entire extended family, who sealed the deal that I was, unavoidably, in love. With him and everyone he came with. His Mother asked if I was a dancer, I told her I used to be, not knowing the influence she would go on to have encouraging me in the years to come. That’s your Grandmother I’m speaking about. Your Yaya.

Here comes the twist. I was always leaving. I had been planning to since the start of the year, and Marino was always flying out, returning after his trip, but at the last minute he changed his mind. The night before he left, on a whim, he decided to book a one way flight to Berlin from New York. He would fly out just one week before I would arrive. We woudn’t see each other. Sealing the deal there was no future for him in NZ, and no future for us in NYC. We were heading in different directions. Different continents. Wasting no time during our weeks together dwelling on the future, we were so present we forgot not to fall in love… Funny that.

Cut to. Auckland Airport. 8am. A sombre tone for the break of day, but we’re holding it together, his family & I seeing him off. I remember him kissing my cheek and calling me sweet girl, saying he would see me at the other end, when I hopped off my flight. Of course we didn’t know what that meant, but I held on it. It should have been an exciting moment, except I was in the farewell terminal and he was walking through the gates. Away from me. My move to New York officially eclipsed by his departure. Crying silent tears as his parents drove me the long way home to drop, a bird with broken wings, his Dad would later call me in his speech at our wedding. That’s your Grandfather I’m talking about, your Papee.

Going to work the next week felt like a haze, a malaise, but I remember Anna-Lise’s mum Chrissy saying “if you’re going to be together forever, then one year is nothing, merely a drop in the ocean”. Over the coming weeks I found my feet again and anticipation began to build for my own adventure. My focus became crystal clear as I packed my suitcase and said goodbye to life as I knew it. Marino and I stayed in touch, sparingly, yet our connection was still felt. We never said goodbye. An unspoken agreement, this was see you soon. And it was.

But not before I had my time in the big apple.

Until the next story, I love you angel.

Your Mother, Elise x