Watching Sabrina by Billy Wilder (1954)
Wondering what Audrey Hepburn, Apollo's muses, Cher and all of us angels have in common
I’m back angels. Feeling peaceful. This is our default setting now, to feel at peace. I put it down to gratitude. Being grateful for what you have is the key to happiness, says my Mum. Or at least, it’s another charm to add to your key chain, mine’s getting pretty heavy, as we discovered in last weeks story. Anyway, Mum shared that with me, along with other mantras, upon her visit to Los Angeles this summer. Including this banger “love YOURSELF” while pointing her finger right in my face, like a sassy fairy casting a spell. She said this, bidding farewell, before strutting off into the departure terminal.
3 months later, I find myself reflecting on what loving yourself looks like. So here goes.
I practise gratitude when I wake up, it’s my first thought, as I roll over to see Marino. We take turns making each other hot cup’s of tea, before sitting up in bed and saying aloud to the world what we’re thankful for. I know what you’re thinking, Thanksgiving has gotten to me. Corny as hell. And to myself I say, so what if it has? Don’t be jealous of my gratitude. Jealousy is a disease, for which Meredith Marks says, get well soon.
So now I’ve released my judgement towards myself for being so cringe and free I can continue. Sometimes I become so moved by gratitude that I find myself weeping. Is anyone surprised? Certainly dramatic of me, a trait I’ve long been made aware of, thanks to my parents. Something I always felt ashamed of actually, until I realised there’s an entire industry dedicated to being dramatic, so whose laughing now players.
Marino has taken to cutting my monologues off after a certain point, so we can both get on with our mornings. Clearly I can find things to be grateful for until the cows come home. The chant is never ending if you want it to be. The limit does not exist. But let me tell you, to cry with gratitude at the crack of dawn is a gift I didn’t know I was missing until now. Releasing your feelings, before anything else happens, helps. To feel safe in bed and meet the world with gentle presence, with soft eyes that are shining, cultivates a capacity to glow throughout the day even more naturally, I swear. I’m hooked. Tis the attitude of abundance. I believe that the more we count our blessings, the happier we are with what we have, and the more we attract and receive.
Loving yourself can be a hot lavender magnesium salt bath at any given moment of the day. On Monday I had breakfast in the bath. Simply because I could. Slowing the morning down even further when the sun hasn’t appeared yet on a Winter’s day is a ritual to be relished. Slowing down allows you to enjoy the sophistication of it all. Also it just feels good to be held in a warm embrace before the outside world gets you.
Returning to ballet is my latest act of love. The philosophy of it all, that’s what keeps me coming back. It’s so simple. Suddenly my dream day is unfolding. The gift of gratitude. Pleasure of bathing. Simple poetry of getting dressing. Graceful posture, and moving with soft discipline, in sync with women from all walks of life. In a room with pink and gold painted walls, under a makeshift canopy of pink silk and white stars. Accompanied by a piano score. I mean, is this really my life? When did things become so magical? And do we all get the chance to live out our own dream every day?
Casey told me about the concept of visualising your dream life, and then breaking it down into your perfect day. All that’s left to do is giving yourself permission of living it out. Sounds easy when you write it down, but sometimes we get in our own way, especially when it comes to pleasure and feeling deserving of it. When was the last day you gave yourself the chance to live a day like it was your last? I do recommend it.
Curiosity gets the better of me when I enter new environments, that’s another reason I love leaving the house. There are books laid outside the studio that we dance in. This is where I discovered pages on the god Apollo and his heavenly muses. Here they are immortalised in a dance together, forming a bower of interlocked arms.
What strikes me are the women, naturally. I’ve been captivated by the idea of muses for some time now. The synchronicity of ones life is special. When you find harmony in the words you use, activities you choose, and so on… Inspiration exists everywhere.
Upon my research, the group of nine goddesses who inspired Apollo, are as follows:
Calliope: The muse of epic poetry, eloquence, music, song, and dance
Clio: The muse of history
Erato: The muse of love poetry and mimicry
Euterpe: The muse of music and lyric poetry, also known as "the giver of pleasure"
Melpomene: The muse of tragedy, also known as "the songstress"
Polyhymnia: The muse of sacred poetry and eloquence, also known as "many praises"
Terpsichore: The muse of dancing and choral song
Thalia: The muse of comedy
Urania: One of the nine Muses
Which goddess are you? Or, simpler put, who do you want to be? And do you think we need to choose only one? Maybe it takes different interactions with different people to inspire different versions of ourselves to be revealed in life? Or can we commit to being the same person in every group that we enter? Or is that flattening ourselves?
All I know right now is the real power of waking up every day and creating the life you want to live. So often society conditions us to believe life’s about “finding ourselves”, but it’s more active than that. Life is a verb. To live and to love, they’re both doing words. No one is going to discover you, only you can, so why not start learning now?
I’m giggling. Today I’m aware that my pieces here oscillate between a silly comedic absurdism, and a tranquil rose tinted lens, but I think that’s the point. Giving ourselves permission to change character and express ourselves can allow us to move closer to our truest essence the more we share it. Maybe one day we’ll realise we’ve finally found a lifestyle that we are happy enough to rest in. Or maybe we’ll always seek change. Who knows. I’m sure willing to keep exploring, the world, and myself.
“I have learned how to be in the world, and of the world, and not just stand aside and watch”.
A quote I can’t stop thinking of after watching Audrey Hepburn in Sabrina on Sunday.
That’s all that matters to me. Being in the world, and of the world. Kissing the moon. Shooting for the stars. Living today. We’re all different creatures, all following different scents, and we don’t fit into the same box, and to this point, I find boxes to be a bore, don’t you? Personally, I prefer stars, if that part isn’t obvious already...
Suddenly it feels like a good time to share wisdom from Cher, who I heard in conversation at the Saban Theatre this week. She spoke of women and our need to defy the expectations that everyone else has of us. She spoke of the need to live our dreams, because we only get this one life. She spoke of having dyslexia as a teenager, and how her Mother told her “don’t worry darling, one day you’ll have someone to do maths for you”. That part makes me smile. Maths has never been my thing either.
The way Cher still has a sparkle in her eye at 78 years old gives me hope. The way her Mother told her “you wont be the prettiest, or the smartest, nor the best singer, but you will be always special”. Reminds me of my Grandmother telling me I was special when I was a young girl. The way I’ve stopped to think once or twice that she might of meant I was clinically special, during the tough moments I’ve been attempting maths. The way I can’t be earnest right now without slipping in a self deprecating joke. Sigh.
In short, mantras from our muses give us confidence to dream, because our dreams matter. The visions we have matter. The love we give ourselves and others matter.
So angel, what matters most to you, today?
Loving you always, Elise